?Eat a load of biscuits? is another popular goal
George Osborne has pledged to help Britain fulfill its aspirations, under the mistaken impression that these involve sitting at a desk.
The Institute for Studies found that 94% of UK ?life goals? involved alcohol, oral sex or driving a sports car really fast around a pedestrianised area.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: ?Most of our ambitions seem to be inspired by pornography or Freeview television programmes where large American men cause explosions.?
Father-of-two Roy Hobbs said: ?My aspirations actually do involve work, in that I hope one day to drive a bulldozer through the office while my colleagues run screaming like the pathetic termites that they are.
?In the medium-term, I am keen to have a four-way with some expensive prostitutes.
?I am grateful but slightly puzzled that the government wants to assist me in these matters.?
Professor Brubaker added: ?We are a nation of hedonists. When we talk about ?getting on? it?s in the context of mounting a member of the opposite sex.?
Source: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/britains-aspirations-mostly-drink-based-2013032163415
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